What Estate Agent Lingo Really Means

Realtors do not always enjoy the finest reputation, especially among renters. Rightly or wrongly, members of this trade have a reputation for … let’s say using creative expressions of language when describing a property.

If you’re looking for a new place to live, there is every chance you’ll need to work with an estate agent. In doing so, you may sometimes feel like you’re talking different languages. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the most common pieces of estate agent lingo – and what they actually mean in plain English.

“A lovely couple has already expressed an interest this morning!”

You are the first viewing we’ve had. I’d quite like to knock off early today, so if you go ahead and take the place now I’d really appreciate it.

“It’s a real character property!”

This house is old. Like, really old. I can’t be certain, but I have my suspicions that the first owner kept a dodo as a pet.

“There is great transport nearby, you’ll have no trouble getting around.”

You are on a direct flight path and the railway tracks are right next door. I have strategically scheduled this viewing for the one hour of the day that it’s actually quiet.

“It needs a little refreshing, but it is available immediately.”

Somebody died in this house. Rumour has it that their ghost still roams the hallways at night.

“You got really lucky – it has only just become available due to unexpected circumstances!”

Somebody was going to take on the property, until they realised it was plagued with structural issues.

“The neighbours are real characters, there’s a great community feel here.”

Number 7 is a nosy parker that will be watching you like a hawk for any potential gossip, Number 9 refuses to wear a shirt in his front garden between April and October, and Number 5 has announced their intention to paint the façade of their house bright orange.

“Great timing, the price has just dropped!”

Nobody was willing to pay the ridiculously expensive original asking price, so we’ve been forced to be more realistic in our expectations.

“It’s really cosy and doesn’t take long to warm up at all.”

The property is roughly the size of a broom closet.

“Do you have children? There are lots of schools nearby.”

Local youths will sit on your garden wall and throw eggs at your house if you tell them to move.

“There’s a lovely, low-maintenance little outside area.”

There are a few slabs of paving that we are going to claim is a patio.

“This is a real up-and-coming area, it’s becoming increasingly popular.”

Everybody moved out 20 years ago, and now opportunistic landlords are snapping up property because it’s cheap.

“It’s very close to some of the most desirable streets in town.”

This property is on the wrong side of the tracks.

“The fixtures and fittings are of the highest quality possible, and they’re brand new.”

The landlord ran to Ikea last week and knocked up a handful of Billy Bookcases.

“The place has so much potential!”

Nobody else has managed to realise this potential and given up, but you’re different, I can tell!

“Viewing is recommended, the photos really don’t do it justice.”

Look, I have to get my numbers up somehow. Just give me 20 minutes of your time to get my boss off my back?

“As you’ll see, there are three bedrooms in the property.”

You see that, in the corner of the living room? That’s a sofa bed. Ergo, a third bedroom.

“It’s a really peaceful neighbourhood.”

Not one of your neighbours will be younger than 80.

“There’s an opportunity to really put your own stamp on the place.”

The landlord got bored of redecorating halfway through the process.

“The property is equipped with state-of-the-art mod cons.”

The boiler was installed in 1992, and there is still a Betamax player in the living room.

“There is so much history in this place, it’s fascinating really.”

You remember reading about a cult that committed mass suicide in the papers ten years ago? That happened here.

“The landlord couldn’t make it today due to work commitments, but he’s really helpful and responsive.”

The landlord lives on a luxury yacht in Monaco and has no interest in ever speaking to you.

“The layout is really quirky and interesting!”

All the ceiling are mismatched heights. You have no chance of fitting in a wardrobe.

“It’s so bright and spacious.”

The property has a window.

“It’s a studio flat, perfect for a single person.”

This is actually a bedroom that belongs to the house next door, but we’re attempting to market it as a standalone property.

“It’s utterly immaculate, the previous tenants took great care of the place.”

I spent hours cleaning this morning. For goodness sake do not look in the cupboard under the stairs.

“It has stunning views of the local scenery.”

If you buy a telescope, you can probably make out some hills in the background.

“It’s a really lively area, great for a young person!”

You are on the direct path home from multiple pubs, abandon any hope of sleeping again.

“It has a real wow factor!”

We installed a chandelier from B&Q that you’ll bump your head on when you walk in.

“The previous tenant was really sorry to go, but had to leave due to personal circumstances.”

The neighbours are an absolute nightmare and drove the previous occupant away.

“It’s really convenient for local amenities.”

I hope you have a car.

“It has retained all original features.”

Nobody has redecorated since the house was first built.

“It’s based in a charming village!”

All the local shops have closed down expect a corner shop, post office and a greengrocer that sells highly suspicious looking cabbages.

“The landlord prefers cash payments, ideally weekly.”

Run. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. But maybe check under the mattress first, you never know your luck. Get a Quot Now!

You can also get lots of tips from our sister website here Gosine Removals

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